In the front of our brain, we have the prefrontal cortex, where we are amazing, and we strategize, and we are excellent. But unfortunately, we also have, in the limbic system, the amygdala, impulsive behavior. What we want to avoid is amygdala hijack.
We don’t want to take impulsive decisions, say things we shouldn’t say, email things we shouldn’t email, text things we shouldn’t text, just because of amygdala hijack. So I’m going to give you a tool for that. It’s called the 20-minute rule.
And a 20-minute rule basically means that if you’re in a situation where you had a tough day, and there’s always this extra person that gets on your nerves that day. There’s always this person. And you tell yourself, I am just about to lose it. So you know. Whenever you can, figure out a way to excuse yourself from the situation. Get up and go somewhere else. Physically remove yourself from the situation.
Because as long as you sit there, even if you try to control yourself, as long as you sit there and ruminate, the likelihood of amygdala hijack is high. Because you’re hungry and you’re angry and you had a bad day and you’re burned out and everybody got on your nerves that day and you gave everyone everything and now you’re done.
For the love of God, get me out of this situation so that I don’t lose it on you, so that I go somewhere else, and in 20 minutes I’ll come back and I promise you I’ll be the nicest person, I’ll make the best choices. I don’t wanna clean up my own mess. It’s very hard to erase words.
How many times you write an email, you put it in your drafts folder, you look at it later and you’re like, oh my gosh, delete, delete, delete. How about we don’t send it? What’s the point? 20 minutes.
